"DO YOU THINK THE WOMAN in the cream cake shop was surprised about something, Tina?"
"The size of our tits, you mean?" Valentina giggled.
"Maybe, yeah."
"Nah, all the St Cat's girls are regulars in the cream cake shop. They're used to huge tits in there. I think she was more surprised to sell so many cream cakes on a Sunday. You want me to carry the box for a while?"
"I'll take it as far as the next lamp post, then you can take over. Then we can take turns, one lamp post at a time. How far is it to the football field?"
"About twenty more lamp posts. We'll be there in ten minutes."
Helvetica changed hands and set off again, her target lamp post in sight. "Do you think we bought too many cakes, Tee?"
"We only got two dozen eclairs, thirty profiteroles and a dozen cream doughnuts."
"Yeah, and two dozen of those fluffy things with flaky chocolate on top, and a dozen large apple turnovers with fresh cream..."
"Don't forget the dozen Belgian buns, the Rhum-Babas and the three-layer Victoria sponge."
"It would be easier to eat that sponge if we had a knife. How are we going to cut slices?"
"We'll take turns and take a bite each," said Valentina with a glazed expression.
"Where are we going to eat them all?"
"At the football field. We can sit on a bench there. Just think! Eating cream cakes and watching boys' bottoms play football. Luxury!"
"We have to remember to take some eclairs back for the girls. I hope they haven't told anybody. What time's the bus back to school?"
"Stop worrying about getting back to school, Vets! We'll be okay. It will be dark by the time we get in, so nobody will see us."
"Dark? We've got to walk all the way up the drive in the dark?"
"We know the way. There's no ghosts or anything. We could walk up there blindfold. Then we can wait in the shadows to look out for teachers, then we nip across the car park and straight up the stairs." Valentina took the box from Helvetica and put it straight down on the ground. "Shit, it weighs a ton!"
"I know, I've been carrying it."
"Let's make it a bit lighter." She opened the lid and peered inside. "What do you fancy? Apple turnover? Doughnut?"
"I'm not really hungry."
"You're not what?" Valentina was horrified. "We've got to eat this lot between us. If you don't want any, I'll have to eat it all myself. I'll explode!"
"I'll have some when we get there. I'm just not too hungry right now. It will be okay when we're sitting down."
"Mind if I have one?"
"Go ahead. Just don't eat them all."
Valentina brought out a cream doughnut and thrust one end into her wide-open mouth. Cream spurted generously down the front of her sweater. "Oh, fuck it! That's a great start to the day." She stuffed the rest of the doughnut into her maw and dabbed at the gobbet of whipped cream. "Shit, it's left a great white mark."
"The boys won't notice, they won't be looking at your chest."
Valentina narrowed her eyes. "Okay, so you're ten inches bigger than me. They'll still be looking at my tits."
Helvetica shrugged. "You could take it off and turn it inside out, but you'll only do the same thing next time you take a bite of cake. Maybe I will have one, after all. Give me a profiterole. No, make it two."
"Two? I've only had one doughnut."
"Doughnuts are heavier than profiteroles. And they're bigger. I ought to be allowed to have three profiteroles to every one doughnut you have."
"You can't do that! Profiteroles are more expensive than doughnuts. If you have two of those, I ought to have four doughnuts to catch up."
"We'll have to have the same then. Trouble is, I don't want a doughnut right now. I want it later." Helvetica stuck her hands on her hips. The girls glared at each other across the open box.
"You've got to have a doughnut. I've already had one. Once you've had one of those, we're all square."
"But I don't want a doughnut first. If I have one, I won't have room for anything else."
"Tell you what. Let's get another empty box from the shop. Then we can have a box each and divide the cakes up between us."
"Sounds good. Go on, then."
"Go where?"
"Back to the cream cake shop and get another box."
"It's miles!"
"I've carried this box the whole way so far. You can run back and get another box."
Valentina grumbled, but she couldn't think of a valid argument. After a few minutes of hopeless resistance, she slouched back down the road to the cream cake shop. As soon as she was safely out of the way, Helvetica dived into the box and crammed four profiteroles into her mouth in rapid succession. By the time Valentina reappeared, lugging another cardboard box, the same as the first one, Helvetica was smiling sweetly at her with a cream doughnut in her hand.
"I'm ready for my doughnut now," she said.
"Good. Let's divide them up." Valentina put her box down and quickly transferred a pack of doughnuts from the original box to hers. She followed it up with a bag of Belgian buns.
"Wait a minute!" Helvetica elbowed her out of the way. You've got a load of cakes in that box already."
"So what? I bought some more. Just for me. I paid for them all anyway."
"In that case, why all the fuss about dividing them up equally? You could just have had the whole lot."
"That wouldn't be fair. I promised you I'd share them out."
"Yes, but..." It was useless. Helvetica ate her doughnut and reached for another. Valentina thought about contesting it, but she took another one herself. They redistributed the cakes between the two boxes, making them both almost as heavy as the first one had been, then picked them up and set off down the street.
By the time they arrived, the game was already well into its second half. The girls perched their chubby bottoms on a park bench and set their cake boxes on the ground at their feet. For a while, they ate in silence.
"Who's winning?" Helvetica asked.
"The reds. They just scored a goal. That's what all the shouting was about. I think it's three nil to the reds now. Hey, look at that one!"
"The one with the ball?"
"No, not him. He's okay, but the blond one's better. Look at his bum!"
"What's so special about boys' bums, Tee?"
"The shape of them. It's a bit like our tits. Boys like the shape."
"I thought it was the size they liked."
"They like the size, too."
They munched again for a while, absorbed by the busily rushing figures.
"The blond one keeps looking this way," Valentina whispered.
"What are you whispering for? They're all screaming their heads off all the time. Why do they all sound the same. So coarse!"
"That's just when they're playing they sound like that. Some of them are quite educated when you get up close to them."
"You seem to know a lot about footballers."
"Arthur's daddy plays football." Valentina took a bite of an apple turnover without taking her eyes off the players.
"Is he playing out here?" Helvetica said excitedly. "Is that why you wanted to watch the game?"
"I don't know exactly." Valentina sounded evasive.
"You don't know if he's playing?"
"No, I don't know which one was Arthur's daddy." Valentina shifted on her seat. "I had the whole team! Both teams, as a matter of fact."
"Tina!" Helvetica blushed with embarrassment for her friend. "I hope you don't expect me to shag a whole football team."
"No," said Valentina considerately. "We'll just have a couple each. We have to get back to school. Proper sex takes a long time. Two boys could take us ten minutes, then we've got to get dressed again afterwards. Are you ready for the big sponge cake now?"
Helvetica wasn't, but she nodded, feeling uncomfortably full. Not just her tummy, but her bra. Oh, God! Surely Miss Clit had given her a big enough one? She took the huge wobbly cake from Valentina and took a bite, trying to make it the same giant-sized bite as Valentina had already taken out of it.
The ball came bouncing and rolling over to the bench. They both squealed girlishly and drew their legs up out of the way as two boys dashed over, one in a green shirt and the blond one in the red. They tussled briefly for the ball before the blond boy grabbed it. He grinned at the girls and hurried back to the game.
"He smiled at me," gasped Valentina.
"He was looking at me," Helvetica corrected her. "He's got lovely blue eyes."
"They were grey," said Valentina sulkily. She took another bite of the cake and handed it back to Helvetica. Ten seconds later, the ball came across again.
"He looked at me that time," said Valentina confidently.
"He's still got blue eyes," said Helvetica.
The next time the ball rolled over to the bench, Helvetica stuck out her rack about a mile and a half and smirked at the blond boy.
"There's no need to overdo it," scolded Valentina. "Why don't you stand up and take your top off for him?"
"Should I, do you think? It's a bit cold." The cake came back to Helvetica. She took a bigger bite than ever.
Valentina watched her critically and attempted an even bigger mouthful. Then her eyes opened like saucers. "Mmmphhwwworll," she told Helvetica and bounced to her feet. And as the ball came bobbling over yet again, she wiggled across to it and stopped it with one hand. Cheeks bulging with cake, she swung a foot at the ball, missed completely and fell over in a spray of crumbs. "Oh, fuck," she said, landing on her substantial bottom in the mud. The blond boy thanked her, picked up the ball in one hand and trotted away with it.
Helvetica watched him go with awakening interest. "I see what you mean about his bum, Tee. And the front of his shorts, too. You have a look next time he comes over. What's happening now?"
A shrill whistle sounded and the referee called the players together. They stood around him in a ragged circle, panting and steaming gently.
"He's coming over," Valentina hissed.
The referee was a balding middle-aged man with a thick belly and long black shorts to match his well-stuffed tunic. He had a whistle on a piece of string wound round his wrist.
Catcalls pursued him from the field.
"Whay-up, ref!"
"Give 'em one, mate!"
The referee stood in front of the girls, puffing slightly. He smelled of something pungent and medical.
"Hello, sir," said Valentina sweetly. "Did you get tired of playing?"
"I'm not playing. I'm an official. And I'm not tired." He cleared his throat noisily before looking round in embarrassment for somewhere to spit.
"Have a cake," said Valentina, offering him an eclair.
"I don't want a ... no, thanks. Look, would you like to go somewhere ... less ... public?"
"Not with you!" Valentina gasped. "We're waiting for some of your boys."
"I meant," said the referee through gritted teeth. He was blushing bright red. "I meant would you like to go and sit somewhere else? You're spoiling the game."
"It's a free country," said Helvetica. "We're just quietly sitting here watching."
"And eating cake. Why do they keep kicking the ball over here, Mister Ref?" Valentina shook her shoulders slightly, causing her breasts to quiver violently like demented jellies. She took another bite of apple turnover and smiled sweetly. The referee bleated and backed away a few paces. He put his whistle in his mouth then took it out again.
"I used to play netball," said Helvetica. "Until my tits got miles too big." She matched Valentina's shoulder-shaking motion, with devastating effect. "Your players ought to be able to control the ball a bit better than that. I bet I could." She discovered a blob of cream on the end of her finger and transferred it slowly to her mouth. After a few seconds, she carefully withdrew her finger and licked the tip delicately with the end of a pink pointy tongue.
The referee gave a groan and walked away backwards. He walked backwards all the way to the football field, until he was surrounded by his grinning players. "What are you all laughing at?" he yelled, and gave a long blast on his whistle. "Come on. Let's get on with this game. And the next one who puts the ball over there by those ... those girls ... is off. Red card. Off. Right? And reported to the Borcester and District FA, okay?"
The game resumed.
"Is there any more of that sponge cake, Tee?"
There were two of them, the blond one in the red shirt and a fierce little dark-haired boy wearing green. As the rest of the players shook hands noisily and went through elaborate bonding rituals with the referee, the two boys detached themselves and casually wandered over towards the girls' bench as if they just happened to be going that way. It was an uneasy deception as the changing rooms were on the opposite side of the park.
"Here they come," Valentina enthused. "Yours is a bit short."
"Who said he's mine? I might fancy the fair haired one."
"No, he's mine. Look, he's picked me out already!" She began a nauseating process of fluffing up her hair. "Jeez, look at this cream on my sweater! It's no good, it's got to come off..."
And to Helvetica's horror, Valentina stood up, peeled the sweater off over her head and dropped it on top of her cake box. If it was intended as a come-on, it was probably overkill. The two footballers faltered in their approach, glancing nervously at each other. Then not wishing to lose face, they advanced again. This time, the blond boy was edging away from Valentina's direction, aiming for Helvetica.
Helvetica eyed her friend who was standing there in tight jeans and a T-shirt more suited to a girl with a bust a foot or so smaller than hers. The chill air had already affected Valentina's nipples and it hadn't finished affecting them. It was time for retaliation. Helvetica carefully selected the longest eclair she could find, stood up and turned slowly to present her staggering profile to the approaching footballers. Then with a shy smile in their direction, she deep-throated the eclair.
The boys slowed down and changed direction again, heading for Valentina.
Valentina thought of taking a deep breath, then realised she could never hope to compete with Helvetica's preposterous sixty-three inches. She could still wobble, though. Her jiggle dampers weren't brand new, like Helvetica's. She bent forward from the waist and pretended to search for a particular cake in her box. Her milk-laden breasts swung massively in her bra cups, and she allowed them to oscillate from side to side. She even persuaded them to swing in two different directions at the same time.
When she looked up, the boys had slowed to an amble, and they were ambling in Helvetica's direction again. It was time for direct action. With a brilliant flashing smile and a mouthful of cake, Valentina strolled over to meet the boys, her hips swaying extravagantly from side to side. "Hi, boys," she husked, her eyes firmly fixed on one boy and one boy only. "I'm Tina!" With a jerk of the head, she indicated Helvetica. "And that's my young friend Vets."
"D'uh. Hello. Gary."
"Hi, Gary!" Valentina moved closer until her chest collided gently with her chosen hero. Her nipples probed insistently against his shorts. She didn't back away. Gary's attention briefly flickered over her shoulder and she chanced a glimpse behind her.
"Hi," Helvetica was saying. "I'm Helvetica!"
The little dark-haired lad gulped and said something indistinct. His face was just about on a level with Helvetica's quivering spheres. She glowered over the top of his head at her friend, who had so unfairly captured the boy who was just the right height for Helvetica.
"I'll kill you for this," she muttered.
Valentina grinned impishly and turned to Gary again, gazing up into his blue or grey eyes. "Would you like a nibble of my apple turnover?" she whispered.
"A what?" Gary wondered if he was hearing right.
"A bite of this." And she offered the tasty morsel. Gary's mouth opened automatically like a baby bird's. After a strenuous ninety minutes of football, the flaky pastry must have been as palatable as a wet book. He almost choked on the crumbs.
"It's a bit dry," he explained eventually, red-faced.
"Oooh, Gary! I'm not! Would you fancy something a bit more ... moist?"
Helvetica couldn't believe what she was hearing. She sat down suddenly on the bench again, and found the dark-haired boy more or less on level terms with her again. "What did you say your name was again?" she asked despairingly.
"Darren." The boy's face was level with hers now, but his attention was still riveted on her chest.
"I'm up here, Darren," she said.
"Oh, sorry!" He met her eyes briefly, then back to her breasts again.
Helvetica sighed in resignation. She grasped the damp scruff of Darren's shirt and yanked him round to sit on the bench beside her. His feet hardly reached the ground. "Have a cream cake," she said.
"How long are they going to be in there?" Valentina prowled up and down. She tried to see into the changing room building. Men and boys kept coming out with their sports bags and football boots, eyeing her curiously. She had been so unnerved that she had put her cream-stained sweater back on, inside out at Helvetica's practical suggestion.
"Maybe they slipped out the back way and escaped," Helvetica suggested hopefully. "What's the time? We don't want to miss the bus."
"There isn't a back way out. This is the only door." The referee came out, went pale, and hurried past the girls. There was a lull in the comings and goings. A caretaker had appeared, fussing around with a bunch of keys. Out on the field, a tractor and trailer roared around at a speed which suggested it was nearly going-home time. Two men were taking down the goal nets and bundling them into the trailer. The caretaker went into the building, jingling impatiently.
"They must be still in there," Helvetica said. "Maybe they've chickened out on us."
"Why should they? They're going to get a shag, aren't they?"
"Are they?" Helvetica felt uneasy.
"If they don't come out in two more minutes, I'm going in." Valentina mounted the steps to the door and stood there peering inside belligerently. Then she came back down the steps and picked a cake out of her box.
Helvetica felt slightly sick. She also felt apprehension, nervousness, frustration and an overwhelming desire to fart. She began looking around for an escape route. Then her blood chilled in her veins.
"Tina! Don't look now, but look!"
Tina looked.
"Not now! Look the other way then look over there, casual."
"Why are you talking out of the corner of your mouth like that?"
"It's girls!"
"Girls?"
"Two girls." Helvetica looked anywhere but out toward the road. "One blonde, one redhead. About fourteen. Coming this way. We'd better get lost, quick!"
"Lost? We're waiting for our boyfriends!"
"Tee, I've got a feeling we're waiting for someone else's boyfriends. And so are they."
Valentina got the message. She looked up from her cake box and paled visibly. "Oh, no, not them!"
"Not who?"
"Those two girls. Don't you remember them? We've met them before."
"Well, it looks like we're meeting them again," said Helvetica, adding a sinking sensation to the rest of her conflicting emotions. "Here they come." At least, she was able to get rid of one conflicting emotion. She farted.
"Waiting for someone?" It was the blonde girl, looking them up and down with increasing disbelief. She swapped nervous glances with her red-headed friend.
"We might be," said Valentina, feeling less brave than she hoped she sounded.
"We'll wait with you then."
"Oh."
Valentina chewed her lip and pulled a face at Helvetica, who shrugged helplessly.
The blonde girl shrugged at the redhead, who pulled a face at her and chewed her lip.
"Would you like a cake?" said Valentina. "We've got lots."
"What for?" The blonde girl wrinkled her brow.
"To eat. They're mostly cream. In fact, they're all cream. Fresh cream."
"I will," said the redhead eagerly, starting forward. "If it's all ... right ... with..." She stopped.
"We've got dozens," said Valentina. "We were going to eat them all ourselves, but it looks like we're going to end up sharing them with Ga ... ouch!"
"Sharing them with you," interrupted Helvetica. "It's either that, or we take them back and share them with the girls at St Ca ... ouch!"
"Why do you two keep kicking each other?" the redheaded girl asked. "I'll help you eat them. So will Mandy. Won't you, Mandy?"
"I suppose so."
Valentina rubbed her injured leg. "Help yourselves."
Helvetica studied the two older girls. Their appearance was certainly unusual. Many girls have dirty blonde hair, but not too many of those girls are black. And redheaded girls with their hair elaborately braided like that were an uncommon sight.
"Oo are you staring at?"
"Sorry!"
"We've seen you before somewhere, ain't we?"
Helvetica tried to adjust her posture, but as soon as she stopped her bosom sticking out in front, it stuck out just as much somewhere else. A five-and-a-quarter-foot bust will not be denied.
"Yeah, somewhere," the redhead agreed. For some reason, her hands were unusually dark-skinned, apart from her palms.
"I'm Helvetica, and this is Valentina."
"Fucking stuck-up names," growled the black blonde girl.
Her friend was less impolite. "I'm Salmonella and this is Pandemonia." At least, it sounded like that through a mouthful of cream doughnut.
"Pleased to meet you."
"We're waiting for our boyfriends," said Salmonella. "You haven't seen them by any chance? A tall fair-haired one with a gorgeous bum and a little dark one with a big cock?"
Valentina was suddenly taking an interest. Little whimpering noises came from her throat. Helvetica recognised the sounds of gathering lust. She kicked her friend on the shin as a precaution. "No, not seen anybody like that."
"Who you waiting for, then?" Pandemonia asked threateningly. "I reckon you're..."
A strangled cry interrupted her. All four girls looked up, startled.
On the steps of the changing rooms, Gary and Darren clutched their little sports bags. They had changed into jeans and sweaters and their newly-showered hair stood up in wet-look spikes. They stared down at the waiting group and neighed in terror. Then without a word, they thundered down the steps and set off across the muddied field.
The girls watched them dwindle into the distance.
Slowly, they went up the steps and sat in a disconsolate row on the damp concrete.
"I suppose we'd better have a cake, then," said Valentina.
The caretaker had gone home half an hour earlier in his Metro, leaving a haze of burned oil hanging around the wet leaves in the car park. The streetlights blinked on in twos and threes.
"Who wants this last Belgian bun?"
"Not me, thanks." Helvetica belched discreetly.
"I'll have it," said Salmonella, picking it up and taking a bite. Her heart wasn't in it. Pandemonia groaned and rolled on to her back, her small pointy tits reaching for the stars.
"So what do you St Cat's girls do for sex?" she asked lazily.
"We don't really do Practical Sex for another two years," said Helvetica. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Valentina shaking her head vigorously. "We do mostly Theory."
"What?" Pandemonia sat up. "I'm talking about sex, not lessons."
"She means we don't do proper Sex lessons yet," Valentina elaborated.
"You get lessons in it?" The Borcester girls pricked up their ears. "They teach you to fuck?"
"Some of us are self-taught," Valentina smirked. "I've got a baby. My little Arthur."
Helvetica raised her eyes to the heavens and the other two looked disbelieving that anyone could possibly have a baby called Arthur.
"We do learn it, though," said Helvetica, "but not yet. We're only in the First Form."
"You're in the what?" Pandemonia was staring at Valentina's chest, then her eyes turned incomprehendingly to Helvetica's. "That means you're only...?"
"I know," Helvetica blushed prettily. "Isn't it terrible! Sixty-three inches, although this bra feels so tight, I'm probably a lot more than that now. It's mostly cream cake..."
"We're a little unusual," Valentina explained. "Of course, I'm lactating, although big breasts run in our family. My little sister Jenufa! You should see the tits..."
"I'm just about the biggest in our Form now. I'll probably get the Sash when we catch up with Sally Chung again."
The two Borcester girls' eyes seemed to have glazed over. Helvetica supposed all this talk of giant breasts was boring them. Then she realised they were staring into the distance and she followed the direction of their gaze. Along the distant skyline, silhouetted against the last glow of the Western sky, two figures on horseback thundered along the far river bank. Shots were being fired.
"So you don't do it with boys at all?" said Salmonella. "You haven't been taught how yet?"
"Not really. We do it with each other most of the time."
Salmonella and Pandemonia shuffled their bottoms nervously away along the steps. "You do it with other girls?" said Pandemonia.
"Yeah, of course."
"What's it like?" Salmonella's question was genuine. She held her head on one side like a dog.
Valentina replied. "It's fantastic. You know how good it feels when you touch yourself?"
Salmonella and Pandemonia exchanged nervous looks, then swallowed and nodded.
"Better than that!"
"Better?"
"How can it be better?"
"Well, if you do it yourself, you've got one hand on your nipple, say...?"
The audience began to look uncomfortable.
"...and another one on your clit? Well, when another girl does it with you, that's two more hands and a mouth, see? So she can be kissing you, and she can..."
"...have a couple of fingers up your pussy..." Pandemonia interjected, panting heavily.
"...and a finger up your bum," suggested Salmonella.
The others looked at her with distaste and put more space between themselves and the redheaded girl.
"Or-or anywhere else," she stammered. "It doesn't have to be up your bum. I mean, I don't put a finger up my bum when I wank. Not usually..." Her voice tailed off.
Valentina closed the lid of her cake box.
"We'd better be going to catch the bus back to school," said Helvetica, getting to her feet. The Borcester girls remained seated, looking up at them in awe, unable to see the St Cat's girls' faces. First Formers!
"We'll walk along with you," said Salmonella, getting up and adjusting her sticky panties with exaggerated movements.
"We can help you carry the cake boxes," said Pandemonia.
"Not many left now. But thanks."
They strolled through the iron gates of the sports field and out on to the street.
"One of our posse used to have big tits," Salmonella said. "But we haven't seen her lately. She must have moved away."
"No, I still see her sisters," Pandemonia said. "They reckon she's eloped and got married. She looks more than fourteen. I mean, she's nearly as big as ... as..." She looked at Helvetica for comparison, then at Valentina. "She's pretty big, anyway."
"She'll turn up, don't worry." Helvetica felt the warmth of the black blonde's lithe body for a moment as they swayed together briefly. "Why don't you come over to the school one weekend? Bring the posse. You could bring a box of cakes and we could have a picnic in the woods."
"What about boys...?"
"Like I said, we're not allowed boys, but it doesn't really matter to us. Will you come?"
"Yeah!" said Pandemonia.
"Yeah, probably," sighed Salmonella.
"WHAT'S THE MEANING of this?" Smegs slammed a crumpled sheet of paper on to my desk. "Clit pinned it to my door!"
I read the message. 'O, be still my heart,' I thought.
"Why me?" Smegs wailed. "Why did she tell me?"
"Maybe she just thought you'd be interested."
"You mean she knew I'd be interested to find out that yet another girl is bigger than me now. A fucking Junior! A sodding First Former!"
"You ought to be pleased for her. Helvetica's a lovely girl."
"She has no business getting a bigger bust than me!"
"She can't help it, Smegs! She's a growing girl. We all went through it."
"Yes, we did! But I stopped when I reached sixty-five inches. Christ, that's big enough, surely?"
"Megan, stop it! If any of the girls ever hear you saying that..."
She slumped into a chair. "I haven't even seen her yet," she muttered. "As soon as I saw this message, I ran over to the First's dorm, then the restaurant, then Clit's. Nothing. She must be in classes."
"That's the logical place for her to be at ten o' clock on a Monday morning. You'll see her soon enough, love! She'll be let out at lunchtime."
"She'll be even bigger by then! Look what the note says."
I looked at it again.
Smegs stood up and paced around in a tight circle. "Head Corsetière, she calls herself now!"
The door slammed back on its hinges and Corinne burst in. "Look at this!" She planted a piece of paper on my desk. "One of Clit's minions pinned it to my door."
I read the note, my eyes growing wider.
"As soon as I saw it, I ran over to Clit's place..."
"You ran, Cee? You shouldn't be running with your breasts as big as that."
"Tell me about it. But later, okay? I couldn't get into Clit's. It was full of girls waiting to get measured. The usual Monday morning. So I tried the dorm and the Junior Common Room. No dice."
"She'll be in class now. I just told Smegs the same thing."
"Smegs got a note as well? What's it got to do with her? I'm Support and Mobility Mistress. What's she?"
"She's smaller than Helvetica, that seems to be all that matters. Her note was the same as yours, apart from the size. Yours was written at 8:15 am and Helvetica was 67 inches by then."
"God, she's getting bigger," Corinne gasped.
"She's going to explode," Smegs whimpered softly.
The door opened again.
"You can come out from behind the desk, Miss Gruntworthy," sighed Miss Labia. "Another note from the bra facility. Helvetica Bold has reached 68 inches, TTM."
"TTM?"
"Table top method," Labia shrugged. "Clit's dangling the poor girl on the measuring table, trying to see how big she can get her. She's not getting bigger at an inch every fifteen minutes, you daft buggers." And she flounced out to await further bulletins.
"Clit's right about one thing," I said, getting up off the floor and sitting down. "We need a Sash Handover ceremony."
"We can't without the presence of the incumbent," said Smegs. "It's a School Rule."
"We can't catch the incumbent. Sally's absent without leave. We'll have to do it without her."
"That's all very well," Corinne objected. "What about the ceremony? Sally is supposed to untie the Sash from her waist and tie it round Helvetica's."
"I could do that," I said.
"Then Sally has to kiss Helvetica."
"I could do that, too."
"Properly, with decorum and no tongues, Shannie. You can't snog a Junior girl in morning Assembly, in front of the whole school. You'll start an orgy."
"Probably," I sighed dreamily. "We haven't had a decent orgy for weeks..."
"Shan! Concentrate, please!"
"Yes, Cee."
"We're either going to have to catch Sally and bring her in, or arrange for an alternative girl to do the kissing. The second will probably be much easier. Valentina would do it like a shot. Trying to rope in Sally would need a posse!"
The lights flickered for a moment, then came back on again. I held my breath, but nothing happened.
Smegs broke the silence. "So when can we have the Sash Handover ceremony? Rules say it has to be as soon as practically possible."
"It's an unusual case," said Corinne. "I should think Friday morning, at the earliest. It would allow for any further developments. I don't mean..." Corinne hurried on with an anxious glance at the lights, "I don't mean Helvetica might get any bigger. Or any smaller." She was gripping the edge of the desk with her knuckles whitening. "But absolutely anything might happen by Friday."
The lights practically went into a frenzy of flashing, then went out for several seconds before coming on again dimly. Gradually, they resumed their normal brightness.
"Yeah, nice one, Cee!" I said. "We've now got four whole days to find out just what 'absolutely anything' means!"
The First Form gathered round to gasp at Helvetica's new figure. They positively glowed with reflected pride as they stared at the biggest First Former by simply miles.
"How big are you, Vets?"
"Miss Clitress says she's very proud of me."
"So are we. But how big are you?"
" Miss Clitress measured me on the Dangle Table. I'm the first ever Junior to use it, she said."
"Wow? That huge tall table? How big are you, Vets?"
"As you lie on the Dangle Table, you get bigger and bigger!"
"It makes you grow? Wow! How big are you, then?"
"It doesn't make you grow, although I am, of course. It lets you develop your full potential, Miss Clitress says."
"How big is she, Tina?"
"She's huge! She's going to be the new Form Head, Miss Clitress says."
"She's bigger than Sally Chung? Whoopee!"
"And she's still growing, Miss Clitress says!"
"But how big is she, Valentina?"
"We don't know. Miss Clitress wouldn't say."
"She wouldn't...?"
"Why not?"
"She's funny like that. She likes to keep some things to herself. But work it out. She was sixty-three inches yesterday morning."
Helvetica blushed prettily.
"Then she said her bra was getting tight by lunchtime, while we were watching the boys' bums playing football."
Helvetica blushed more prettily.
"Then we ate a ton of cream cakes in the afternoon, talking to the Borcester posse."
Helvetica blushed even more prettily.
"And on the bus on the way home, she had to undo her bra, it was so tight. This morning, she couldn't get it on again."
Helvetica blushed more prettily still.
"Fuck me!"
"She must be gigantic!"
"Can we measure you, Helvetica?" They all looked at Candelabra. Then they realised it wasn't such a bad idea at all.
"Can we?"
"Oh, I dunno!" Helvetica turned her toes in and twisted her shoulders from side to side. The class gasped in amazement as her breasts described a fantastic arc fully two feet in front of her. "Maybe tonight, in the common room. While we're doing our homework."
There was a combined scream of delight and lust.
"Hey, you guys! You s'posed to be working!"
"Miss Grimbo!"
The class scattered to their seats as the teacher swayed magnificently into the room.
And Helvetica and Valentina sat and stared at her in total stupefaction.
"They should be coming out in a minute, when the bell goes." I beat at Smegs's hand frantically to get her away from the classroom's double doors. Corinne was behind us, trying to see through the gap between Smegs and me. The windows were rapidly getting steamed up with our overheated breathing.
"Won't they all come rushing out when the bell goes?" Corinne said. "They'll open this door and we won't be able to see anything."
"No," said Smegs. They're only Juniors. They'll only open one of the doors. The one that side. Think about it, a right-handed girl will always open the right hand door and push it away from her. We'll be safe on this side."
"But what if..."
"Look, Meadowlark. Trust me, okay? We're safe here. We'll get a perfect view of the girls as they come out of class. They won't even see us here. You know what they're like when they get a sniff of food in their nostrils..."
Corinne's objections were drowned out by the clangour of the school bell and a thunderous stampede of feet.
We picked ourselves up off the floor.
"That's what I was trying to tell you," Corinne insisted. "Miriam Greenbaum sits closest to the door."
"Okay, so she's left-handed," said Smegs, rubbing the side of her breast. "You could have mentioned it sooner. Did you see Helvetica?"
"I didn't see anything," I said. "You were both on top of me."
Corinne shook her head. "I didn't see her. Nor her bestest girlfriend, either. Valentina, Nurse's busty little brat."
"Are they still in there? Perhaps Angelica's kept them in after class for punishment or something."
"'Or something' is probably about right," Smegs growled. She crawled to the door again, cautiously, and looked inside.
"I shouldn't have screamed at her, I know." Angelica sighed. "But it sure had an effect. She made me this bra in record time. And she says it's a brand new design."
"It must be like my new one," Helvetica leaned on the desk and squirmed. "It's so comfortable! It breathes whenever I move."
"I know what you mean! But I doubt if yours is quite the same as mine. It's like ... like a..." she glanced around the classroom. "It's like a pair of pants with a bra on top. I've never seen anything like it. In a way, though, I wish I hadn't insisted on having the bra by last night. All the adjustment is used up this morning. If I carry on growing like this, it won't fit me another day."
Valentina looked glumly from her bestest girlfriend to her teacher. "Vets is still growing, too."
"I can see that, Tina. She's a lovely girl!"
Helvetica blushed prettily. "Miss Clitress says she's made this one with enough adjustment to last me a week! So I'll still be able to wear it for the Sash Handover ceremony, whenever that is. Miss Clitress thinks it could be on Friday, even though Sally Chung's not around to hand over her Sash."
Angelica shook her head sadly at this further piece of evidence of St Cat's being a hotbed of outdated ritual and absurd tradition. She could almost understand why girls loved the place.
"She has to kiss you as well," Valentina reminded Helvetica.
"Don't remind me! Yuck. I bet she tastes of fish and chips."
"I don't think you have to kiss her down there, Vets!"
Angelica frowned her disapproval. "They'll have to get someone else to hand over the Sash, if Sally's away. Or just have Miss Gruntworthy hand it over?"
"It has to be tied round my waist properly. And the kissing is important. It has to be done from behind, 'cos Form Heads are so big they can't kiss each other from in front. Me and Tina tried it last night. It feels funny, Miss! We have to kiss in a certain special way for the ceremony. Properly, but with no tongues!"
"Have you kissed anyone since you got so huge, Miss Grimbo?" Valentina asked.
"That's none of your ... no, no, I haven't." The big teacher looked so sad, the girls wanted to give her a great big hug. They came round the desk and formed a three-sided huddle. It was harder than it looked. Helvetica took a step back.
"Wow, Miss Grimbo! You're massive! How big are you?"
"Miss Clitress said I was about a hundred thirty-five, forty or so last night. I guess I'm past one fifty now. Inches don't seem to matter much. It's pounds that make the difference."
"Or kilograms, Miss! You'll soon be the biggest in the whole school."
"Quite soon, honey! Just in case I can't get across to the assembly hall to see your Sash Handover ceremony, you give 'em hell for your Miss Grimbeau, okay?"
"Can't get to the assembly hall? You're not leaving us...?"
"No, I shall be right here at the school. I might not be able to move so well, is all."
"But, Miss!"
"No, that's enough, honey. There ain't a darn thing any one of us can do about it. If I'm gonna grow, I'm gonna grow, so I guess I'll just have to make the best of it. You too, you hear? Now scat! You're missing your lunch."
"I'm not very hungry, Miss. We had too much to eat yesterday."
"She was sick on the bus coming home," said Valentina proudly. "So was I, nearly. I tried, but it wouldn't quite come..."
Angelica was trying to keep a straight face. "Out, both of you. I'll see you tomorrow. And don't forget choir practice tomorrow night."
"No, Miss Grimbo!"
"They're coming!" Smegs was crawling rapidly backwards away from the doors, like a dog with a grass seed up her nose.
We tumbled after her, round the corner and out of sight, with just our heads poking out in time to see a concerned-looking Valentina and Helvetica come out of the classroom, deep in conversation.
"Get out of the way, bitch," I hissed at Valentina, who was quite innocently blocking the view. Even so, we all had a good shot of Helvetica from the rear view. Her breasts stuck out to the sides by at least half the width of her back on each side. All we were missing was the side elevation.
"She looked huge from the front," reported Smegs in a shaky voice. "Clit was right."
"Clit is rarely wrong when it comes to statistics," Corinne said seriously.
"My knees are killing me down here."
Smegs looked at me as if I had flipped. "We can't go yet. We have to wait for Angelica to come out."
I had forgotten Angelica! How could I ever forgive myself? I ought to resign as Headmistress of St Cat's High School for Growing Girls.
"Shhh." Corinne shook my arm. "Here she comes!"
We watched, thunderstruck, as Angelica plodded past our hidey-hole and let herself out through the double doors.
"Christ!"
Corinne shook her head. "She didn't look very happy. Poor girl."
Smegs said nothing. She was still staring at the doors, willing Angelica to come back. She seemed to be bearing up bravely enough until I pressed my hankie into her fist, then she scrambled to her feet and ran away along the corridor.
How very strange, I thought. Until that moment, I had never actually heard anyone use the words 'boo-hoo' when they cried.
Angelica put the phone down and swivelled her body, reaching over the top of her breasts to scribble another note on her growing list. With the tip of her pink tongue sticking out, she ticked off the last five items under the heading 'freezer'. Then she crossed out 'toilet rolls' and drew a long and bendy arrow pointing to the bottom of the list, where it said I.P.T, heavily underlined three times.
She studied the list for a while, hesitated, then crossed out 'grits' and wrote 'crumpets', and instantly dissolved into tears. The purring of the phone interrupted her. Who?
"Just checking you're at home..."
"Jeremy?" She sniffed.
"That's me. I wanted to see if you were in before I fetched something round to the Wendy House. Something I've been making. It's finished."
"What are you talking about, man? What's finished?"
"I don't know what to call it. It's a sort of truck thing to help you move stuff around in that dog kennel of yours. That thick carpet is okay, but it makes it a pain in the arse when you need to move anything heavy. Anyway, it's yours if you want it. I'll bring it round. Don't go away, I'll see you in five."
"Silly boy," she said to herself as she put the phone down. Then she added 'Christmas Cards' to her list, then 'stamps' and 'writing paper'. "He told me not to go away!" The lump formed in her throat again, but she fought it off, and added 'funny books' to her list. It was getting to be a list as long as her arm, and her arms weren't long enough any more to do quite a lot of things she used to take for granted.
"It's open," she called as Jeremy fumbled with the door catch; then he came inside, dragging something heavy behind him.
"Wow, it's getting breezy out there. There was a big branch down off one of the trees. I'd better get the chainsaw out in the morning. It will make a nice pile of logs for your fire." He looked at her. "What's the matter?"
"Matter?" She wasn't quite quick enough with the hankie.
"Oh, nothing. I just thought ... nothing. It's okay. You want to see the thingie I've made. I've been testing it for a day or two and it works a treat. Here. Come and have a look."
Angelica followed him into the kitchen where a big flat object was leaning against the washing machine.
"Jeremy, what is it?"
"You'll have to think of your own name. I just called it Fido." Jeremy carefully laid it down on the floor and placed his thumb on a red button on top. It was a kind of platform, about the size of the kitchen table top, but three or four inches thick. There was a black rubber bumper all the way round it, like a dodgem car. "Ready?" Jeremy jabbed at the button. A faint humming noise sounded, building up into a soft whirr, like an electric fan. "I'll demonstrate. What have you got that's heavy? What's in this box? Groceries?" He lifted the cardboard box the local store had delivered that afternoon, and placed it in the middle of Fido. The fan noise seemed to deepen, before settling back into its former rhythm. "Now watch this bit. I still get excited whenever it does it." He applied a gentle pressure to the side of Fido and it rocked gently, as if deciding what Jeremy wanted it to do. Then it set off on its own in the direction he had pushed it. It nudged the table leg, corrected itself and headed for the doorway.
"Eeek! Where's it going?"
They followed Fido into the living room. It slithered quietly across the carpet, arrived in front of the fire and settled on the hearthrug with a satisfied hiss.
"It still needs a bit of adjustment for very soft rugs. What do you think? It's really a hovercraft, of sorts, but it works best indoors on relatively flat surfaces." He was on his knees with a screwdriver, twisting something on the underside of the platform. "That ought to do it. Hey, watch this!" and he slid the box of groceries to the end of the platform and sat on it, folding his arms like the King of Siam. Then he pushed the red button with his foot. For a moment, nothing happened, then the humming noise built up, the whole thing began rocking gently, and Jeremy nodded, his eyes sparkling. "Give me a push!"
"Which way do you want to go?"
"Anywhere!"
"Anywhere it is!"
It needed no effort at all. Once in motion, Fido glided easily out into the kitchen, leaving Angelica staring after it. There was a gentle crash as it hit something, and a slightly louder one as Jeremy fell off the box of groceries. By the time the ponderous Angelica reached the kitchen, he was crawling from the wreckage, giggling. "It works!"
"What happened?"
"It hit the fridge. It wasn't really designed as a people carrier." He stood up and gave Fido an affectionate nudge with his foot. "Not having any steering doesn't help. But we can get round that easy enough. Take a stick with you and you could glide all over the house."
"Jeremy! You lovely man! Come here, I love you!"
She tried to give him a kiss. Laughing, he unwound her arms from his neck. "Not like that, dumbo! Anyone would think you'd be used to this by now. Stand there!" And he circled round behind her and approached from over her left shoulder. "There, that's better, isn't it!"
"Mmm, yes. That's very nice." She rested her head on his broad shoulder for a moment while he stroked her hair, then they kissed again. "Properly, but with no tongues," she murmured.
"Mmmm?"
"Just something one of the girls said to me today. Thanks, Jeremy. Fido's got a name already, in fact. It's the Angelic-O-Glyde."
"You just thought of that name?"
"Yes, honey. I just thought of it this minute."
Jeremy looked at her, his fingers just resting on her splendidly-muscled shoulder. "You're funny!"
"So are you!"
He seemed to gather himself. "Good old Fido. Angelic-O-Glyde! I'll leave him with you. He's working better than I ever hoped. Let me show you how to plug him in and charge his batteries."
"As long as I can call you to help me with him."
"If I can. Although now Fido's working, I have to get on with the next project. I'm restoring an old pony trap..."
"You want to trap ponies?"
"No, silly! It's a little two-wheeled cart thing. Big wooden wheels. It's rilly-rilly shiny brown with red and gold pinstripes. Hey, one day, if I could borrow a pony, we could go out for a ride in the country. It's just big enough for two people."
Angelica looked wistful. "I'm big enough for two people now."
"WHERE'S HELVETICA? She said she'd be in here." The Junior Common Room was packed to bursting. Rarely had so many girls been apparently so keen to do their homework.
Valentina looked nervously round the room. All the First Formers were there, apart from the Form Head and the Form Head elect. The Second Formers were there in force, too. Somehow, word had reached them that a girl was going to be measured. A Public Measuring, no less! And in the Junior Common Room, too, not the First Form dormitory. Never mind the reason why, Helvetica had chosen the venue herself. The Second Form girls were happy to accept the implied invitation.
"She said she'd be here," Valentina told the little group of her classmates who had gathered around her. "She won't let us down." She craned to see over the heads of the gathering. "Shit, what's she doing here?"
The other girls jostled each other in their efforts to see. "Wow! Old Floppers! Who invited her?"
"She must have heard somehow," said Candelabra.
"Was it advertised on the notice board?"
"Or Busty-Busty-Boogie Ninety-Six-Point-Twooooooo!"
"Air Fairm...!" The Junior Choir backing group put their heads together and crooned the words in more or less faultless harmony.
"There's more of them. Seniors."
"And Middles, too, look. There's that Japanese girl who looks like a love-doll."
"The whole school's coming!"
"They'll never get in here, it's too small."
"And they're too big. If the Head Girl turns up, she takes up as much room as all four of us!"
"Wow, yeah!"
The noise level was increasing. It sounded like a party. Bursts of girlish laughter broke out, and the crowd surged and swayed as girls jostled and prodded each other. The closeness of all these girls to each other was inevitably leading to a degree of arousal as erect nipples rubbed against swollen breast-laden T-shirts. If they hadn't all been waiting for Helvetica to arrive, most of the girls would happily have paired off and made an early night of it. Those, that is, who weren't content to get right down on the floor and have an orgy in the Junior Common Room.
"Hi, kids!" said a soft voice.
"Vets! Where did you come from?"
"I came in through the fire escape. What are this lot doing in here?"
"They've come in to watch you being measured. Somebody must have spread the word."
"They've all come to see me? What for?"
"You're famous, Vets. The whole school wants to watch. Shit, the teachers will be here in a minute!"
"Miss Gruntworthy will!"
"And Miss Mountains!"
"And Miss Meadowlark! She's just as bad as the rest of them."
"Miss Grimbo won't be coming," said Valentina. "She's getting too big to get in here."
"But she always has been," said another girl, "that's why she lives in the Wendy House."
Valentina sighed and shook her head in frustration. "What are we going to do, Vets? If you get your kit off, there'll be a riot." They all looked at Helvetica. Even in an enormously outsized man's cricket sweater, she was still indecently huge up top.
"There'll be a riot if you strip off in here. We could do it in the assembly hall," suggested Candelabra.
"We've got to get out of here, whatever we do." Valentina was fretting visibly. "Somebody is going to recognise you in a minute. Even disguised as an overweight cricketer."
"It's okay, kids," laughed Helvetica calmly. "We'll do it in the dorm!"
"In the dorm? But it's smaller than the common room."
"That's all right. All this lot won't be in there. We'll have the place to ourselves. Come on!"
Helvetica jerked her head in the direction of the back of the room, ducked her head and headed for the fire escape. The other three members of the Junior choir followed, with Valentina as rearguard, checking behind and covering the withdrawal.
They stood shivering on the iron balcony as Valentina closed the door behind them. "We made it, nobody spotted us leaving."
"Let's go," giggled Helvetica, and she was off, clattering down the stairs to the quad. They huddled in the shadows, debating their next move.
"How do we get back up to the dorm? We'd have to walk past the door of the common room."
"Well, we could all just walk straight in, apart from Vets," said Valentina. "We need to smuggle you in, somehow."
"Disguise. We need to disguise ourselves."
"Five of us? What do we wear?"
"Netball kit?"
"False beards?"
"No!" Helvetica's eyes sparkled with excitement. She was becoming aroused by the thrill of the chase. So was Valentina. So, to a lesser but significant extent, were Candelabra and the other two members of the choir. They all hung on Helvetica's words, watching her open-mouthed. "What are you all looking at?" she giggled, wetting her lips.
"We're looking at your gigantic boobs," confessed Valentina, "and waiting for you to make a brilliant suggestion."
"Right. We'll use the cow."
There wasn't a girl at St Cat's who hadn't heard of the pantomime cow which had created such an impression at last year's costume party. There were many girls, and teachers, too, fully prepared to swear on oath that Michaela Meadowlark, Head Girl of St Cat's, had been transformed into a dairy cow.
"The cow? The pantomime cow?"
"Three of us can get inside it. The other two can run along hitting us with sticks. Or they can ride on top!" Helvetica was becoming more excited by the minute. "They keep it in the locker rooms in the gym. I've seen it. Let's go!"
They followed Helvetica to the gymnasium. They would have followed her anywhere. Now she was as big as this, she was irresistible. She had to be obeyed. Her bulky white sweater flitted ahead of them like a spectre. Despite her now ponderous bulk, Helvetica was moving at a brisk pace. She slipped in at the side door of the gymnasium and led the way into the locker room.
"It's dark," squeaked Candelabra, feeling for someone to cling to. She found the soft and yielding bodies of two choir members and hung on tight. Valentina, following behind, cannoned into the three of them with a soft and strangely satisfying impact.
"Oof! Where's Vets?"
"Over here. I'm putting the light on. There. Wow, what are you lot doing?"
The girls hung their heads and shuffled their feet. They felt that if they just looked at Helvetica, they would become hopelessly aroused. Valentina looked at Helvetica and melted. Her hair was a blonde halo under the single bare light bulb. Her eyes gleamed with a strange new fire. Her lips were slightly parted and her tongue licked out to moisten her bee-stung lips. Her breasts were...
"Tina! Wake up! I'll be the front legs and you can be the back."
Valentina visualised this domestic arrangement and realised where her head would be inside the cow costume. "Okay," she declared eagerly, almost desperately.
"Candy will have to ride on your shoulders and lean forward to hold me round the middle."
Candelabra blushed and grinned. With her clit pressed against the back of Valentina's neck and her nose not too far from Helvetica's bum, it sounded an excellent idea to her.
"The other two; one rides on top of the cow, the other one will have to run along behind us. Decide between you. Right, you all satisfied? Let's get it on."
It was a tight squeeze in the cow. Normally intended for two average girls, the addition of Candelabra made it decidedly intimate inside.
"Good job we're all friends," said Valentina's muffled voice, as she squeezed her head between Candelabra's thighs: remarkably soft and fragrant thighs for a piano-playing nerd. "Bloody hell, it's hot in here!"
"You're both comfortable?" Helvetica, as cow commander, asked her back end.
"We'll be all right as long as you two don't fart," Valentina said, her voice absorbed by Helvetica's almost shameful buttocks. And hurry up and get us up to the dorm before I flood my pants again.
"Let's go, girls! Last one out, turn off the light."
"What are they all doing up here, Cee? What's going on?" I wasn't used to being jostled by crowds of girls. They must have been rilly-rilly excited to ignore the presence of their Headmistress and the Support and Mobility Mistress.
"It was something about a public measuring." Corinne was trying and failing to see over the crush into the Junior Common Room. "We need Smegs to see over the top."
"I couldn't find her. She must have a date. She'll be mad if she's missed a public measuring. It's a good job I thought of bringing the camera." I checked the readiness of the apparatus. Would one roll of film be enough? "Any idea who it is?"
"Gotta be a Junior..."
"I know. Do you think it's Helvetica Bold?"
"Who else could it be? No sign of her, though. Nor her bestest girlfriend, either. If those two are missing, I get worried."
I pulled Corinne from the crowd and we leaned against the wall of the corridor, catching our breath. "It's okay, Cee. If she appears, I'll use my authority and get rid of the crowd. Or I could pretend to be a paparazzo."
She looked at me sceptically but said nothing. I don't know why. Then my blood ran cold. Corinne was looking past me down the corridor, her lips moving wordlessly. I turned to see what she was looking at, although I had an uncanny feeling even before I turned round that I knew what terrible apparition I would see.
"How did I know I was going to see that?" I muttered.
"Tell me I'm seeing things, Shannie? It's not my little sister, is it?"
"I don't think so." But I clung to her hand. "Don't leave me, Cee!"
"Don't let go, Shannie!"
"Be brave, Cee!"
The cow came lumbering towards us, its head moving from side to side. Perched on its back was a young girl in a scarlet T-shirt and a Santa Claus hat; another girl chased behind it, spanking its rump with a stick. For a moment, the cow seemed to catch sight of us and hesitate. Its head went down and its front legs skidded to a halt. Then it bent painfully in the middle as the back legs tried to overtake the front. It stopped completely, its hooves skittering around on the linoleum, then appeared to make a decision and came bounding toward us, going faster and faster the closer it came.
It passed us at a full gallop, its rider squealing and hanging on for dear life while the girl with the stick struggled to keep up, flailing away at the cow's backside and missing. She was handicapped by the fact that the bottom half of her pyjamas were falling down and she had to hold them up with her spare hand.
It went on its way, leaving us gaping in its wake, and turned sharp right into the First Form dormitory.
"Did you see it, Shannie? It wasn't just me?"
"I saw it. It was there, all right."
"You didn't take a picture?"
"I didn't want to startle it with the flash. It might have panicked and stampeded.
"It was already stampeding. Which way did it go?"
"Into the First's dorm. Was it a cow or a camel?"
"I thought it was Michaela. But it was a bit of a funny shape."
"It had a hump on its back."
"And it had tits."
I raised an eyebrow. "Cows do have tits, Cee. It's what they're for."
"They have them underneath. This cow had tits at the front. Fucking great big ones!" She was still clutching my hand. "Come on," she said, "let's go and investigate."
"Do you think we should? It might be another of your anomalies."
"They're not my anomalies, Chauntaille!"
I still hung back. "What if we go in there and it's disappeared? We'll be a laughing stock. It won't be good for discipline if the teachers are seen wandering around the dorms looking for stray cattle."
"We won't be a laughing stock if the entire student body is packed into the Junior Common Room getting themselves worked up into a full-scale orgy. There won't be anyone left to laugh at us."
"If there's going to be an orgy, we ought to be there to maintain good order." Corinne was dragging me along the corridor; my feet trying to dig in to the floor."
Corinne sighed. "Look, we can go to the orgy afterwards. It hasn't even started yet. You won't miss anything. Let's go and find this cow — you can even take some pictures — then the rest of the evening's your own."
"But, Cee...?"
They climbed out of the appallingly musky cow suit and exchanged jubilantly sweaty high fives. "We made it!" Helvetica shouted. "You did great, kids. I love you all!" And she began to demonstrate just how much she loved them with great big hugs.
"What did you stop for back there?" My head nearly went right up your pussy."
"Yeah, I noticed," sighed Helvetica dreamily. "But we nearly ran into Titlark and Gruntworthy."
"What were they doing up here?"
"Same as the rest of the school, I suppose. It looks like it's building up to an orgy in the common room."
"Would we be allowed to go to it?" Candelabra whispered, then gasped at her own daring.
"It would be rude not to," Helvetica laughed. "'Specially as we're the hosts." She hugged Candelabra for the second time and turned her attention to Valentina, who was almost exploding with lust. Waiting her turn for third helpings, she had never been so wildly horny and so soaked in her life.
Five pairs of nipples strained achingly at five bras in a wide range of sizes. The choir fell silent and formed a panting, dribbling circle round their incredibly busty leader.
"What is it with you lot?" Helvetica asked with another of her infectious giggles. "What are you waiting for this time?"
"Can we measure you now, Vets?"
"You waiting for a written invitation or what? But you've got to undress me first!"
Four pairs of panties got yet another instant and thorough drenching, as if it were necessary. Helvetica herself made it five.
"Come on, then," she said huskily. "Or are you going to wait for the rest of the school to find us in here as well?"
They weren't. The girl in the scarlet T-shirt and the Santa Claus hat scampered off to her bedside cupboard and came back with a tape measure. Valentina, as senior acolyte, commandeered it. "This is useless! It's only a sixty-inch tape. What good is that?"
The wretched girl was torn between humiliation and fevered lust. She clutched at her groin and collected a handful of sopping wet material. Her friend took pity on her and fetched a St Cat's Junior 120-inch tape.
Valentina, not wishing to grind the poor Santa Claus girl into the ground, took the tape and put her arm round the girl's slender shoulders. "You can write down all the numbers, okay?" And she kissed Santa Claus on one ear, properly, with no tongues. She had a feeling that if she had used her tongue, it would have come out of the other side.
"How would you like me?" Helvetica asked, clasping her hands together in front of her crotch and squeezing her breasts together with her arms. She swung them from side to side, but not too much. Even so, they were so huge, they swung a foot each way.
"You'll have to take your sweater off," Valentina had to force the words out through gritted teeth.
"You'll have to help me," sang Helvetica.
"Oh, my God!"
"Can I help her, Tina?" begged Candelabra.
"Go on, then. What's-her-Name can help you."
What's-her-Name had no objection to being anonymous, she was getting to undress the new Form Head. If she played her cards right and kept her nose clean, this could lead to a permanent position. With extreme daring, she grasped the bottom of Helvetica's sweater and pulled upwards. She found Valentina's instant groan of lust most gratifying. Then she almost lost it herself as she realised that she was revealing a mountain of naked pink flesh.
"Hurry up, you two, we haven't got all night!"
"But you're not wearing a bra!"
"I had noticed, dear!"
"Oh, wow! Woo-woo-woo...!
"Not now! Save it for later, in bed. Get this fucking sweater off, or I'll take it off myself."
Candelabra was galvanised into action and gave a great heave on her side of the sweater. Meanwhile, What's-her-Name had pulled her side down again to save Helvetica from embarrassment.
Everything wobbled gloriously and massively, but everything stayed very much inside the sweater.
"Together," croaked Candelabra, almost choking. "Let's do it together!"
What's-her-Name stared at the piano-player in sudden alarm. If this was a proposal, it had come at a most inapproriate time and place.
"Get my sweater off, first! Then you two can go and do whatever you like."
With elaborate care and a great deal of nodding to each other, Candelabra and What's-her-Name pulled the hem of the sweater out to the front and worked it free of the overhang of Helvetica's monstrous breasts. From this close, they were terrible to behold. It seemed impossible that flesh could be so huge and so heavy. Each one of Helvetica's breasts seemed to be as big as both of Valentina's. Each was as big as both of Candelabra's, What's-her-Name's and the Santa Claus girl's put together.
"Look, you two! If you don't get this thing off, I'll have grown so much you'll need to unravel it by hand. Now get on with it!"
Whimpering with fright, the two assistants gave a great tug, freeing the sweater and heaving it upwards. The deed was done. Helvetica was exposed. Candelabra and What's-her-Name didn't even dare to look. They continued to pull the sweater up, while carefully averting their eyes. Up and up, while Helvetica raised her arms above her head.
"We can't reach, you're too tall," Candelabra squeaked.
"Stand on something," Valentina yelled, and Santa Claus scuttled around fetching chairs.
Helvetica stood with her arms above her head, her magnificent breasts swaying heavily in front of her, their lower edges resting fully six inches below the waist of her jeans. Perhaps it was just as well the two frantic assistants couldn't bring themselves to look, as the sight of Helvetica's epic moons would have finished them off completely. They clambered on to the chairs provided by Santa Claus and finally liberated the sweater.
The two of them struggled briefly for possession of the prize, then bore it away together to Candelabra's bed, where they buried their faces in the soft, warm and girl-scented acrylic fibre.
Valentina could only stare at Helvetica, whose face bore a beaming smile as she stood with her arms still above her head. God alone knew how far down her breasts would hang if she lowered her arms. Valentina didn't want to know. Helvetica's pose was her invitation. She pulled the tape tight between her sweaty hands and moved closer to her bestest girlfriend.
I let Corinne lead the way, since it was her stupid idea. If there was no one in the dorm, I would assert my authority and ask if anyone had seen a cow pass this way. Meanwhile, she could ask the questions. I followed her into the dorm. There was no cow blundering about. "Come on, Cee, it must have gone somewhere else ... ouch!"
She silenced me by squeezing my hand. All she did was point with her head at the scene in the middle of the dorm.
A vision of tall, blonde loveliness stood with its arms above its head. It was wearing a pair of almost shamefully tight jeans. The bad news was that the vision was facing away from us. The good news was that...
"Cee!" I dragged her back. "Look at them! Right out there! And right down there! Are they real?"
"What else would they be? Where would you get a pair of latex tits that size?"
"What size, Cee?" I quavered.
"We'll find out when young Miss Nightingale has finished measuring them, won't we!" She nudged me gently. "And you can get a picture of her!"
We approached silently and cautiously, stopping about five yards away to duck out of sight behind the table.
"Chest measurement, thirty-one," intoned Miss Nightingale, and the girl in the scarlet T-shirt and the Santa Claus hat scribbled furiously on a notepad.
"That's a 36 inch body band," I whispered.
"Shut up, Shannie!"
"Hold still, Vets! Bring your hands down and hold the end of the tape just here. That's right, on your moo-oo-oon." The girl was obviously suffering from acute arousal. As she came around behind Helvetica again, she was touching herself openly and with extreme urgency.
"Bloody hell, Cee!"
"Shh-hhh." She stroked my trembling fingers. "Later, okay?"
"Are you h-holding it? Make sure it goes across the other nipple, Vets!"
"What's she doing?" Valentina was humping herself against Helvetica's plump bottom like a randy dog.
"Get on with it!"
"If she giggled like that at me, I'd have her in that bed," I whispered.
"Shannie, do be quiet!"
"What's it say, Tina?" The Santa Claus girl had found her voice. It was an unexpected contralto.
"I can't read it!" Valentina's voice cracked. The tape hung from her fingers, although she kept her thumb firmly on the right spot. Can you read it, Santa?" She extended the tape to the clerk, who noted the figure and with the tip of her tongue sticking out, carefully wrote it down on her pad.