Diana the Valkyrie

Alternative methods of payment

Some people have wanted to join, but do not have a credit card, or are unwilling to give credit card details over the internet. Diana the Valkyrie still wants to look after you, so I gave the bank manager a good squeezing until he came up with some alternatives.

The main drawback to the alternatives, is that banks don't like handling what they regard as small sums of money. I let him breathe in for a moment, and he gasped out that it costs $6 to pay in a cheque, which means that a cheque (or check) for $10 rapidly becomes $4. When they have to translate currencies, they take an even bigger slice. He mumbled that there was the same problem with money orders before losing consciousness.

Rather than put up the cost per month, what I'm doing is to take memberships over a longer period, meaning one year for ordinary members, or 6 months (or one year) for silver and gold. The monthly payment option, (which is still available via credit card), just isn't viable any other way, even after I made him lick my toes. He wittered on about Head Office, and the Auditors, and it would cost him his job, so I gave him a cuddle and offered to protect him from the terrifying Auditors.

In addition, if you're paying in anything other than US dollars or UK pounds, the bank takes another chunk to translate the currency, so that costs even more. Membership is cheapest in dollars, and the next cheapest (almost the same) is UK pounds.

There's one exception to this. If your reluctance to pay by credit card is to do with transmitting it over the internet, or if your credit card company has told you not to do that, then you can send me those details by ordinary post (or if you prefer, registered post, courier, carrier pigeon or however you like). In that case, fill in the normal membership application and send it over the internet, but instead of giving your credit card number, use the Odincard, card number 5972 3981 2728 3914, expiry date 11/14. You can only get the Odincard from Diana the Valkyrie, and no-one else will accept it. Then, when your details arrive by post, I'll write in your real credit card number on the form that goes to the bank. I spoke to a nice lady at the bank, and she said that was fine.

Other methods of payment.

I'll take cheques, checks, money orders, and cash. And probably other things, like cowrie shells, beads and uncut diamonds. Or chocolate from Belgium, pickled herring from Norway, Dutch cheese, German sausage, or French wine. In some countries and states, sending cash through the post may only be done with some kinds of post - you'll have to find out what the rules are where you live. I'll take US Dollars, UK Pounds, Euros or any other serious currency. But you'll have to pay for a period of membership in advance, that's because of the cost and hassle of translating the payment. In general, paying in US dollars or UK pounds will cost you less, because it costs me less. So even if you live in a country other than those two, you should try to pay me in dollars or pounds. If you don't know how, go down to your local bank, and crush the bank manager between your thighs until he explains it to you. Eurocheques are easy for people to write in Europe, and you can write me a Eurocheque in UK pounds. Or I'll take an International Money Order - you can get those in any currency you like.

For these situations, you should again fill in the normal application form, and use the Odincard, card number 5972 3981 2728 3914, expiry date 11/14. You can only get the Odincard from Diana the Valkyrie, and no-one else will accept it. Again, when your payment arrives, I'll authorise the membership.

One day, someone will invent Universal Money. If you're sending uncut diamonds, use a reliable courier.

Back to details about memberships

Big warning

If you forget to include your email address, then I'll have to write to you surface mail, and that will delay the membership by a week or two. If you give your email address and I can't read your handwriting, then that's no use, is it, so please write clearly. If you give your email address and you get it wrong, then you might never hear from me, because I'll email you and assume you're happy, but if the email doesn't get to you, you're unhappy, and Valkyries don't like their friends to be unhappy.

One year's membership

                    Ordinary members       Silver        Gold     Silver plus Audio

Australia (A$)                    90          180         270       270
Denmark (DKr)                    420          840        1260      1260
Canada (C$)                      100          200         300       300
Japan (Yen)                     8000        16000       24000     24000
New Zealand (NZ$)                100          200         300       300
Norway (NKr)                     440          880        1320      1320
Sweden(SKr)                      500         1000        1500      1500
Switzerland (SFr)                100          200         300       300			
UK (Pounds)                       40           80         120       120
US (Dollars)                      60          120         180       180
Euro                              50          100         150       150

Six month's membership (silver or gold only)

                                           Silver        Gold    Silver plus Audio

Australia (A$)                                 90         135       135
Denmark (DKr)                                 420         630       630
Canada (C$)                                   100         150       150
Japan (Yen)                                  8000       12000     12000
New Zealand (NZ$)                             100         150       150
Norway (NKr)                                  440         660       660
Sweden(SKr)                                   500         750       750
Switzerland (SFr)                             100         150       150		
UK (Pounds)                                    40          60        60
US (Dollars)                                   60          90        90
Euro                                           50         100       100

Checks, cheques, money orders and suchlike should be payable to Diana the Valkyrie

Send all payments to:
Memberships Department
Diana the Valkyrie
PO Box 791
Chalfont St Giles