Terms and conditions

Use this site at your own risk. If you have a weak heart, consult a doctor first. Before you follow any of the advice given by anything you read on this web site, consult a doctor, a dentist, a lawyer and your religious advisor.

Any payments made are non-refundable, although we're sometimes relaxed about that; it's worth asking, but you aren't entitled. If you joined the web site, and gave your credit card number, you'll have to make at least one payment.

I'll keep billing you each month (or each quarter for Standard members) until you ask me to cancel. You can cancel by going to the cancellation page, or by sending me an email in which you identify yourself so I know who to cancel, or you can send surface mail to:

Diana the Valkyrie
PO Box 791
Chalfont St Giles

If you do cancel, then I'll send you back an email acknowleging that. If you don't get a return email from me, then either your email failed to reach me, or my reply went astray. Internet email is not 100% reliable, I'd estimate that less than 1% of emails go astray, but that's not perfection. Simply send me a second email. Remember, I *always* acknowledge cancellation emails.

I'm billing you for access. I don't keep records of usage, so if you just stop using the site, I won't know, and you'll still have access, and be billed. Let me know if you want to cancel.

If you forget your password, send me an email. Include enough information for me to be able to work out who you are (just an email saying "I forgot my password" without any clue who you are, usually doesn't work) plus the last six digits from the credit card you signed up with (I might have more than one member called "John Doe").

I don't pass your details on to anyone, and I don't send you unwanted email or letters. The exception to this, is that I will co-operate with a request from a government law enforcment agency, including most foreign governments.

There is no guarantee that the servers that runs this website are available 100% of the time. Computers are unreliable, and so is the internet. But if you report any problems, we'll try to fix them.

There are no predictions made about the frequency of updates of the site as a whole, or of any particular part of it. If you look at the dates on various things, you'll get a feel for how much updating has happened in the past. Check my track record. It's rare that a day goes by without an update. Many people check the What's New every day.

Submissions policy. If you send me stories, pictures or video, either by email, via ftp or via any other upload method, then you are giving me a licence to put them up on the web site, in the location that I judge to be most suitable, for whatever period of time I consider appropriate. You do this in the knowledge that members pay a subscription for access to the web site. You also affirm that you have copyright clearance to do this.

If you use the NewsThumbs, please remember that I have no control over what people post to this international forum. The same stuff is on tens of thousands of computers around the world, millions of people post to it, and some of them post inappropriate material.

There's a limit on how much you can download, which is 250 megabytes per day. Someone with an ordinary modem will reach that limit in about 24 hours of solid non-stop uninterrupted downloading, and at that rate, they'll download the whole several-hundred-gigabyte web site in one month. It isn't going to be a limitation for a normal user, it's really meant to restrict someone with a T1 from hogging all the bandwidth.

Only one person can use the username and password. You can use it from whichever computer you want, but you mustn't give the password to someone else. If I see two different computers using the same password at the same time, then someone's been careless or naughty, and I'll disable the account. It might be that you accidentally gave your password to someone; no problem, we'll change the password, and you'll be fine.

Do NOT use a web whacker on this site. A web whacker is a program that runs automatically, and tries to download an entire web site, so you can browse it locally. If you do that on this web site, you're trying to download several hundred gigabytes of data. Your hard disk can't handle it, your telecoms line can't handle it, and even if you could download it all, you'll never read it all.

One common example of a web whacker is "Go!Zilla". When used appropriately, it's a very handy piece of software, but if it's used to try to download thousands of files from my servers in a short time, then the load can mean that other people can't use the server.

If you send me a story, or pictures, or video, for putting up on this web site, then you are stating that I have copyright clearance to do so, and that you have authority to give that clearance.

If you post on a Message Board, or in the Chatroom, then you are giving me copyright clearance to have what you post, on the web site, in whichever part of the web site I want to put it. Please remember that Message Board postings and Chatroom postings are public, and are archived, and might be read by anyone at all, several years from now.

If you post anything to Usenet (the newsgroups), then that is automatically copied to every news server in the world (many thousands). By posting to a newsgroup, you are giving permission for you posting to be copied in that way. There is no mechanism for restricting newsgroup postings; if you do not wish for your posting to go to every news server in the world, please do not post to any news server anywhere.

If you have a technical problem in using this web site, I will try to help you fix it. There's some technical support pages you can try first. I'll even try to help fix problems that aren't my problems, because if you can't use the web site, you won't be a member.

Please remember that this is a fantasy web site. Everything here is just for having fun with. The only thing that matters, is whether you have fun with it or not. Don't take it seriously; there's a lot of fantasy and fiction here. Even when someone says "this is a true story", it might not be. Would you like to see my flying horse?