Author's Correction: In reviewing past Chapters of this interminable saga (or supe opera, if you prefer), I noticed that I inexcusably forgot to thank my friend Betty, for her her much appreciated contributions to Superheroine Jeopardy. Chapter 12. Garden Party. My apologies! Betty is the author of Who Wears The Pants, the first story in Vignettes 4 on the GW Page. She also made valuable suggestions, incorporated in my much admired fellow author, Hardie's excellent Homian Series.
Tied Green Tomato.
A Superheroine Jeopardy Extra.
“Oh I hate that lousy, fat, little bitch ‘Rabbitgirl’!” The hard faced girl complained, and lifted her glass, for another sip of beer. “She made me clean the newest superslut’s cage for her!”
The girl's name was Suzy, and she was one of Catwoman’s kittens. She, and her friend Barbie, were just starting a three day weekend off, from their duties. They were drinking in a smoky bar near the Catlair, where off duty kittens were wont to relax.
“Yeah!” Barbie replied. “It's bad enough being ordered around by the big cat, herself, but having that bitch queening it over us, is a royal pain in the butt! You better not let her hear you calling her 'Rabbitgirl' though! She heard Joanie, and had her shipped to garrison duty on Paradise Island for three months, and y'know what that's like? No men, just sappy Amazons. What does Catty see in her anyway? The little bitch was a goody-goody crimefighter most of her miserable life! She ought to be in one of those cages herself. Why’d Catty want to make her, her assistant for? We were there, first!”
“It’s just because Rabbitgirl captured that wimp, Mary Marvel! Of course, then she let a rabbit beat her up, and rescue the bimbo, if you believe that story. Then, she had to go do it all over again, the dumb bitch!”
The Kittens were speaking of their supervisor, in the feline chain of command, Catgirl, who they both resented.
“Yeah we ought to go out and capture a superheroine, ourselves! Then maybe Catty’d notice us! Hell, Catty got all gooey over Rabbitgirl again, when she brought in that ‘has been’ Ms. Liberty!”
"Yeah sure, but where are we going to find another superheroine? Catty’s got most of them locked in her cellar already! What's she going to do with them all anyway?”
“I don’t know! Some people just like to collect things, I guess! Our lives'd be a lot easier, if Catty collected stamps, though! But I do know where there’s a superheroine, on the loose! She’s a big mother though, and it wouldn’t be easy!”
“Well, Catty captured Hippy, and beat the shit out of her doing it, and Hippy’s big as a house!”
“Well, this one’s even bigger than Hippy, and she’s green!” Susy smirked.
“GREEEEN? Barbie asked. “Why do superheroines always have to have some friggin’ weird gimmick?”
“Yeah ‘green’!” Susy giggled. “She calls herself, ‘She-Hulk’!”
“Never heard of her!” Barbie answered, as she beckoned the waitress to bring another pitcher of beer.
“Well, what the hell, we have the next three days off!”
“Yeah, but I was planning on getting laid!”
“Business before pleasure!” Susy smirked.
“Oh shit! Having a career can be a real bitch! Oh, all right, I suppose it’s worth a shot!” Barbie replied, as she refilled her glass.
“Okay! We’re going to need one of those knockout dart guns, a big one, the kind they use on elephants!”
“An elephant? How big did you say this bitch is?”
“You got to see her, to believe it!”
“Well, I do know a guy, who works in a circus. He’s an acrobat! Didja ever make it with an acrobat?”
“Never mind any of your stories, you evil slut! Can he get the gun?”
“Yeah, sure, I think so! He’ll do anything, I ask him!” Barbie grinned. "I'm quite an acrobat, myself!"
Early, the next morning, the two kittens, donned their standard issue, combat catsuits, and armed with a huge, dart gun concealed themselves in a deserted field outside of town, and waited.
“She comes here to exercise every morning!” Susy told her friend. “Why this bitch needs exercise, I don’t know!”
It wasn’t long before a giant figure entered the field, clad only in a yellow robe of immense proportion. The woman shrugged out of the robe. Underneath she was nearly naked, but for a loin cloth that displayed a truly amazing physique, though curved in a very feminine way.
“Shit! She really is green!” Barbie whispered, gaping in awe. “And she is bigger then Hippy!”
“Are you sure this thing will work on her?”
“Well, we’ll never know until we try, will we?” Susy whispered back.
“I hope you know what you’re doing!” Barbie answered, skeptically, as she raised the gun to her shoulder and took careful aim.
As Barbie aimed, the amazing She-Hulk leaned over to start limbering up, presenting Barbie with a very broad target, indeed.
As Barbie pulled the trigger, Susy muttered. "Geez, that ass is bigger than a side of beef!"
She-Hulk yelped in pain; than stood up with a roar of rage. The mighty green woman spied the feline criminals at the edge of the field. The tranquilizer dart seemed to have no effect, but to anger the formidable, emerald hued giantess. Despite her immense size and bulk, She-Hulk sped toward Susy and Barbie like a freight train bearing down on them, and was upon the kittens before they could escape.
Taken aback by the immense figure towering over them, the kittens halfheartedly assumed combat stances. The furious jade superheroine smacked Suzy across the face, sending her sprawling to the ground, and then grabbed Barbie by the throat, and flung her face down next to her friend.
It was only after she apparently disabled both her assailants, that She-Hulk paused to examine the source of the annoying discomfort in her immense derriere. She removed the dart and looked at it in amusement.
Meeting She-Hulk in the full reality of all her brutish power, was a sobering experience for the somewhat hung over felines. Their mentor, Catwoman, had taught them well, though. While She-Hulk examined the dart, the wily felines went into concerted action. Suzy slipped behind the giant green figure, on hands and knees, while Barbie dived head first into She-Hulk's mightily muscled belly. Barbie felt like her head hit a cement mixer, but amazingly the maneuver was successful, knocking She-Hulk backward over the crouching Suzy. Perhaps, the tranquilizer dart was working after all!
For a moment, none of the three moved. Barbie was dizzy from ramming her head into the cement hard slab of muscle that was She-Hulk's belly; Suzy was pinned under the green woman's enormous legs, each one bigger than Susy's entire body; and She-Hulk herself, now definitely feeling the effects of the paralyser dart, felt her head spinning.
Barbie moved first, As Susy extricated herself from under those monstrous, though quite shapely thighs, Barbie leaped high into the air, and came down, feet first, on She-Hulk's belly. Her sharp stiletto heels of Amazonium metal, did considerably more damage than her head had.
Barbie jumped clear, while Susy taunted the big green female to come get her. Stubbornly brave, but now, dizzy and confused, She-Hulk took the bait. As she stumbled to her feet, Barbie kicked her with brutal force in the kidneys.
Now, like a well oiled machine, the feline duo attacked the confused, fast weakening superheroine. Their attack was devastating. She-Hulk lost all hope of defending herself, as the merciless pair pounded and kicked her, until she finally fell helplessly to the ground, barely conscious.
She-Hulk lay on the ground barely able to move, paralyzed by the tranquilizer, as Catwoman's vicious henchwomen kicked her into unconsciousness.
The terrible feline pair kept right on kicking their helpless superheroine victim, long after she stopped moving. Then after one final kick, Susy said. "I guess she's out cold! The Green Giant doesn't look so jolly now, does she?"
"Now what?" Barbie panted, still breathing heavily from her exertions.
"Don't you know, tomorrow is Catty's birthday? You know how the old bag loves surprises! We bring her this monster with a big bow around her neck, and upstage Rabbitgirl!"
"I got to hand it to you Girl, that is beautiful!" Barbie said in sincere admiration for her friend's feline cunning.
Stay tuned for Superheroine Jeopardy. Part 15. A Daughter's Devotion. Coming Soon. Same Cat Channel! Same Cat Time!