The Way of the Warrior - Respect
(c) 1996, Diana the Valkyrie
Men respect women, by and large, when meeting in person. But for some reason, this changes dramatically for the worse online. I don't know why this is, but I will not accept it. I demand, and get, proper respect for myself online. If you're happy with the way you're treated online by men, read no further. If you want to know what I object to, and how I force men to meet my standards, read on.
This tutorial will also be *very* useful to men who want to meet women online; I guarantee you'll have more fun my way. You could, if you like, regard this file as a tutorial on how to interact with women online (*not* "how to pick up girls").
Although I use AOL terms here, the same ideas apply to any online system.
Let's start with the opening line. Some men start off with "Hi". That's fine by me, it's a nice friendly neutral word, that I take to mean "I'd like to talk to you, if you're willing". I usually say "Hi" back, to show willingness, unless I'm too busy. Some men start off with "I read your profile, you sound interesting". It must be obvious that the second opening is more attractive to me, and I *always* look at the guy's profile and reply with "Thank you." and perhaps say something to him based on his profile. And we move forward from there.
By the way, if you have no profile, then either you haven't worked out how to make one (and it really is *so* easy) or you think you're so wonderful that people will want to talk to you for no particular reason. You're wrong. My first impression of you is based on your approach ("Hi" or "Wanna fuck?") and my second, and more lasting, impression is based on your profile. No profile means you're uninteresting. If you want to be uninteresting, that's your privilege. Maybe after I talk to you for an hour I'd find out you actually are interesting, but since I get a couple of dozen IMs per hour, I have to make a quick choice, which I base on your opening line and your profile.
Now some poor opening lines. "Let's fuck" or the equivalent ("let's cyber", or "I'm hard" or whatever). I don't know how other people treat this, but I treat it as "Hi", but I have a poor initial impression of the guy, that he'll have to find a way to catch up from. And the opening line "m/f" tells me he wasn't interested enough in me to check my profile, so I'm hardly likely to be interested in him.
So what's my response? If the IM is "I'm hard", usually, I'll say something like "how hard?". ""Hard as rock" "What sort of rock?" and so on. I can answer dumb comments with dumb questions indefinitely. This takes up about 1% of my attention.
You don't ever have to answer a question unless you want to. When I'm asked "how big are your tits" I respond with "how big is your nose", and I'm always amazed by the fact that they tell me. So then I ask for more details - width, height, depth, get them to use a ruler if necessary. Likewise when a guy IMs me with the fascinating information that his dick is 10 inches long. I IM back asking for more detail - diameter, circumference, weight. If he asks me if I'm wet, I'll ask him when he last sneezed. You don't have to answer any question unless you want to. He doesn't have to either, of course, but no-one told him that.
My theory is, men think that describing their dick turns women on. I often wonder what's going through their minds when I give them the nose routine.
A better line I get a lot is "I'm Doormat, may this poor humble slave speak to you, Mistress?" I think this sort of opener is really good, because he's told me what he's into and what he's looking for, without being offensive. As it happens, I'm not into what he wants, so I just tell him so, and that's often the end of the conversation. Or sometimes it isn't, and we chat about something else. Likewise I get approached by Doms, and my answer is likewise - not my taste, friend.
The DE (derogatory endearment) is very common. Within the first few lines, I get "How are you today, honey?" Babe, baby, hon, hun and sugar are all common. Maybe most people don't feel insulted by this, but I do. In fact, more insulted than being called "pig-whore" or something like that. I'll explain why.
I have a name. It's my name. Diana. I'm very attached to it. Spell it right, or I'll think you can't be bothered, and if you can't be bothered, why should I be (I forgive typos, of course)? Diane is an entirely different name.
You call me "honey", you're saying the following things. You're saying you don't know my name, or can't be bothered to use it, you probably call all women "honey", you're putting me on a par with every other woman you talk to, and you see me as someone you can use an affectionate diminutive to.
Of course, I can't explain all this online, it's too complicated. So I say "Fine, how are you, heartface?" Or "sweetcakes". or some such DE, but an unusual one so it gets noticed. This usually gets the desired reaction "why are you calling me that?". To which I reply - you insult me, I insult you, OK, sugarplum?
This usually does the trick nicely, rocks him back on his heels a bit, no-one ever explained this to him before. So he starts giving me a little more respect (and if he forgets, I "heartface" him again, and we both laugh).
By the way, if he calls me "pig-whore" or similar, then he's trying to insult me, and that shows proper respect. And I can swing into my "trading insults" mode, and believe me, I can insult a lot better than he can! Because first, I have some great insults ready prepared, and second I can (99% likely) type a lot faster than him, and thirdly I can bring in the devastating ploy of questioning his virility.
By the way, there's two kinds of insult sequences; usually when I hurl a sequence of wounding insults, I'm just playing, and I assume the man is too. One of the people I like came into a room and started hitting me with "Fetch me a cup of coffee, hon" and "iron my shirt, babe" and we had a great time trading insults for several minutes. I won, and we're good friends now, the point being that we were both playing a game.
Almost every man, once you get him understanding that you're also a person, starts treating you like a person. I demand simple respect; I demand it gently and humourously, but no compromise is possible on this. I'm very willing to tolerate divergence of opinion, differences of culture and alternate realities, but I *will* be treated with proper respect. Those few who are not willing to respect me, get "OK. Nice talking to you. Goodbye." If they then realise that respect is required, I'm happy to talk, but if they persist with an attitude I won't accept, they get "OK. Nice talking to you. Goodbye", and I'm willing to give them that several more times. Only one guy has ever persisted past that, and I just moved his IM window so it was completely out of the way and ignored it. Why should I care what he's saying? By the way, you can tune someone out in a room by double-clicking on his name in the list box, and checking "ignore". I've only ever done that twice. If you do that, tell everyone that you have, so they will too, and so he knows he's now talking only to himself.
Once a man is talking to you like you're a proper person (as opposed to a hole for inserting his dick into), I find that nearly all of them are very nice, and worth talking to. Furthermore, since they aren't used to treating a female with respect, they have a much higher opinion of me.
Age and sex. I *refuse* to tell people my sex. If you can't deduce it from the phrase "woman warrior" in my profile, you're not worth talking to. Neither am I willing to tell my age. I'm "Old enough to do it, young enough to want to" or some similar phrasing. I give out my height, weight and hair colour, because when you meet someone, you get that information just by looking at them. But I don't give out my clothing size, because you wouldn't get that just by looking. Nor my measurements. People who want pictures or personal detail, get sent to my web site, which contains everything I'm willing to disclose. Any and all requests for intimate personal info are met with "Go to my web site".
People tell lies online. Or rather, to be more precise, people present themselves as how they want to be seen. I accept what people say as true, however. If someone tells me he's a vampire, or a wolf, I'll treat him as such. Why not? If he subsequently decides he's a human, I'll treat him as such. One of my best friends is a Weasel. A were-Weasel with rabies, to be exact. He's nice. I don't have silly prejudices about species, size of nose, skin colour, sex or age. So a wolf might have his belly tickled, a vampire might be offered a glass of warm, fresh blood. But please try to be consistent.
Anyone suggesting "Get a grip on reality" is ignored, unless they persist, in which case I explain to them that sitting in front of a computer screen for hours, is *not* reality, even if you present yourself as a human. If someone wants to play, I'm willing to play. If they aren't willing to play, I'm equally willing not to play with them, there are plenty of fun people on AOL.
Weird. Bizarre. Perverted. What is weird, what is bizarre, what is perverted? I think, if two adults want to roll naked in mud together, then "have fun, folks". No-one gets hurt. If two adults want to play at tying each other up and whipping each other, then "have fun folks". It surprises me when third parties want to interfere in the games adults play with each other. I don't personally fancy either of the above, but I'd strongly argue the rights of people to enjoy their preferences. I won't make rude remarks about the games you play; you won't disparage my fun. If you don't like the games I play, go play with someone else. OK?
What a man and woman do to make a baby is called fucking. If I want to talk about fucking, that's the word I'll use. I don't use it as a general purpose adjective meaning "very" because there are lots of better words, but I don't have inhibitions about particular words. And I don't see the difference between "fuck" and "f*ck".
This is partly a cultural difference; I'm English, and most AOL users are American, of course. I know that some people are offended by some words, and I have a list of likely words. I don't use words like fuck to offend, but as a simple verb.
AOL software bars the use of certain words in certain places. I don't have a list of them, I usually find out by accident. Fuck is one, and I can understand that, but the word "sex" isn't allowed in a room name. Nor is "erotic". I'm baffled by this. Well, different cultures have different customs, we must all be tolerant of each other's foibles. Anyhow, this probably means that sometimes people say things to shock me, and I don't even realise I'm supposed to be shocked. And sometimes I say something, and there's that embarrassed silence that tells me I've just stepped on someone's taboos.
Which brings me to the IM that starts "Talk dirty to me". The problem is, I honestly don't know what that means. "Nasty" is another word I don't understand, Cultural problem again. But I do know that he isn't treating me like a person yet, so either I change the subject (the topic for discussion isn't necessarily what *he* wants it to be, it's at least as likely to be what *I* want to talk about). Or I start a debate about bloodstains and how to get them out. Castration is also a good finger- tingling subject to air.
I'm not a lesbian, I prefer men, and try to make sure they know it. I don't care whether a woman is a lesbian or not, it doesn't affect me. I'm not offended at being approached, I simply explain I prefer men. So some of my friends might or might not be lesbian, I don't always know.
I'm not a feminist, either (I've been asked). Or a masculist. I'm Diana the Valkyrie, I'm a human being, and all I insist on is that I get treated as such. If you want to know my political views, get me into a political debate, just like anyone else.
I do hope this discussion has been helpful, both to males and females. Both halves of the human race are intrinsically nice, and when they're nice to each other, wonderful things can happen. And people should be as nice online, as they would be face-to-face.
Diana the Valkyrie