Research and Development by Some Sort of Dog Issue 1 of the newsletter What Are We Going To Call It? - NUMBER ONE What Are We Going To Call It? is intended to be published monthly and distributed electronically to a dedicated and hard- working group of enthusiasts. A list which is always growing, appropriately enough. There have been TWO suggested titles: New!BE and Research and Development You don't HAVE to vote, but... SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? Dr Enlarge's last act before going off on one of his Near-Life Experiences was to organise a contest for new stories. The winner received a pound of artwork courtesy of Tim Donley. We personally find it difficult to visualise a pound of art - how thick is the paper, how large are the sheets - but no doubt the proud owner now has a talking point when his dinner-party guests return from the lavatory with stupid grins on their faces. And the winner was ... 'HAITIAN HOOTERS' followed by 'Something in the Water' and 'Tit Duel'. [Btw, the overall winner arrived without a title and an author's name, but it was the story about the girl whose tits get bigger - Editor] Why are we telling you all this, if you read your mail, you'll already know. But Dr Enlarge did say there had been twelve entries in the contest, and most of you only saw two or three, so where are the others? We are giving the writers of the other nine stories the unique opportunity to let us know what we're missing. Squirt them over here to gspot and we'll make sure everyone in the group gets to see them. Tell you what! Take this opportunity to do a bit of tidying up. Read your story again and make the odd change that you wished you'd made before. Don't keep it all to yourselves, or folks will begin to suspect your motives. In fact, Dr Enlarge himself said that his personal favourite didn't get into the last three. We may never know which story that one was, but it might be fun trying to guess! Don't be shy! DO IT AGAIN? Should the Contest be a regular feature? Once a year, once a season, or more frequently? (And when IS the breast- enlargement season, anyway?) AND NOW, HERE'S A SEAMLESS LINK TO THE NEXT ITEM... Talking of Tim Donley (and we were, not ten paragraphs ago), he posted a message a while ago entitled 'New Art and Stories For YOU!!!' Here's part of it again... "OK, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have something for you, just you. How would you like to see some of your favorite BE stories drawn? Well, hear this, I would like to propose that some of you send in some of your all time favorite stories for the consideration of drawing. I would bet that there are few among us who haven't searched hard and wide to find a small amount of BE related artwork. Personally, the She-Hulk from Marvel Comics was about the best I could ever find in terms of a BE story. In the meantime think about this ... The best story each month hand drawn? A small quarterly pamphlet containing BE art mailed (via US mail) out to all interested parties? You are far smarter than myself and can undoubtedly draw up fine ideas from your own minds. What can a avid BE artist like myself do with his stories. Just ideas for your consideration... Thank you for your precious time." Thanks, Tim. Not wishing to be trampled underfoot in the rush, we have sent Tim a chunk of the latest epic, 'Sex Slaves of East Longshott Down', to see what he could do with it. The first reaction was, 'It's HUGE!' (Nobody ever said that to me before.) And that was just the title. At the last count, the story was 650k and still getting bigger. Sound familiar? Watch this space. BURSTING BRASSIERES - A QUESTION OR TWO Any reader of tit-smut will have come across the ... [sorry] Any reader of tit-smut will have encountered the bursting bra phenomenon. Where would BE writers be without the bra that 'finally exploded free, flying across the room to smack against the wall on the other side of the room.' (Make it 'the classroom' if it turns you on.) The question is this. Has anyone ever seen it actually happen? Recent correspondence has revealed a group of 'students' with time on their hands who loaded up a bra to 300 pounds before it gave way. (It was an ordinary, cooking C-cup, apparently, and the young lady wasn't wearing it at the time.) Details of the experiment aren't to hand; unfortunately, those involved were the worse for drink or recreational chemicals and failed to take adequate notes. The clear implication is that the bra would remain intact, and would cut the girl in half long before it burst. For an illustration of this concept, see Bust Artist's drawing 'Tight Shirt' in acotto/pictures/drawings. That's one question. Would it burst, explode, or whatever? Some Sort of Dog has employed bursting bras in his stories on occasion but made sure they were well and truly worn out first. The other question. If it did burst, where would it go? Assuming: 1. that a friend or adult was present when the lady's breasts started ballooning or burgeoning. To save her from unnecessary punishment, he/she grabs a large pair of kitchen scissors and, 'taking a deep breath, cuts through the drum-tight body band, just beside the six heavy-duty hooks'. 2. the lady has wisely removed her shirt/blouse/sweater/dress/straining T-shirt/anorak at the first sign of enlargement. 3. she is wearing the bra conventionally, i.e. with the shoulder straps over her shoulders and her arms *outside* the body band. Once the bra is cut free, how many of you would then describe it flying across the room and zapping against the wall, or 'wrapping itself around the teacher's face as she turned, aghast, from the blackboard'? What, we ask, about the shoulder straps? It is our contention that the two halves of the back of the bra, once cut, or released, would tend to fly apart, pivoting around the shoulder straps. The ends might flap forward briefly, but the energy would almost immediately be dissipated. Even if the shoulder straps had already been lowered, for whatever reason, and the lady had raised her arms from her sides and to the front, to allow the bra to fly forwards, we suggest that the bra would fall to the ground a short distance in front of her feet. She wouldn't be able to see it, but that's where it would be. Discuss. [The wearing of a bra with the shoulder straps looped around the cups and the arms *inside* the body band is known as the America Off-Line method, although a take-over bid has been launched by Mocrisoft Network. A Mr Bates, speaking on behalf of Mocrisoft, said yesterday, Tuesday: 'When I was at school a couple years ago, some of the guys claimed they could undo a bra clasp with one hand. I always had better things to do with one hand.'] ALTERED IMAGES It's fashionable for cynical newspapers to argue that computers have done nothing to increase productivity. Utter bollix, of course. Don't ever read what you believe in the newspapers. But among the chief advantages the computer has brought us is the ability to increase the size of breasts. And not just in honeyed words. Computer-enhanced photographs are cropping up all over the place, and some of the most creative examples are from those artists of the paint-program who specialise in bigger tits. SCORE magazine has recently published some 'what-if' visualisations of women with ludicrously-enlarged breasts. Fascinating. And try: /pub/ac/acotto/pictures if you can get into ftp.netcom.com. One such picture which was apparently featured in the November SCORE has also been posted on one newsgroup or other, by a Ms Danniele Ashe. That's Danni's spelling, not ours. It was denounced by some nerd as a fake. Or rather, a FAKE FAKE FAKE. Have you noticed how these people always say everything three times? Three times, they say everything. As we say, they say everything three times. Of COURSE it's a fake, isn't that the whole idea? Although Tiffany Towers, nice Canadian girl that she is, was already considerably enhanced long before the computer artist enhanced her. COMPLETE THE STORY Here is the first line of a short story. We would like you to complete the story in not more than 450 words. There will be a small but totally worthless prize for the winner next month. 'It was when the wheel came off Carmella's wheelbarrow that she first considered reduction surgery.' Good luck. And good luck, Carmella. SHORT OF A PLOT? Some writers have a story in their heads but no plot. Some of us have a plot but no story. Here's the solution. Every month, we'll give you a plot outline. All you have to do is write the story. No need to worry about thirty others writing the same thing, if they do, that's part of the fun. Any length, the size doesn't matter, as I always insist. Let's see all your versions of this SF idea furnished by 'Apes-Ma'. (I don't *think* there's supposed to be an apostrophe in there.) 'A very wealthy man with a breast fetish colonizes a planet with large breasted women and men whose mothers have large breasts, brainwashing them to share his fetish, and then hops in a relativistic shuttle so that he can check up on them every century or so - of course, each time he lands, the women's breasts are larger.' Get busy. CLASSIFIED ADS Wanted: - Information on a lady called Soleil Moon Frye. (That's a name?). A reader who has admittedly led a sheltered life would like any information on - or pictures of - this lady, before or after whatever happened to her. Cryptic, or what? THAT'S ALL FOLKS That's about all there is for this first month. We hope to be able to cater for all tastes in What Are We Going To Call IT?. Just as there are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with cream, there are plenty of ways of enlarging breasts. Some enthusiasts favour inflation. It's cheap, simple and as near as your local filling station. But there's a very serious risk of being carried away, as many inflation writers have discovered. Many promising young ladies have exploded at the hands of the inflation addicts. That's if they haven't drifted away over the rooftops... You might prefer selective breeding. Here, the major drawback is the time it takes. (Not the breeding process itself, that varies between eleven seconds - most of our readers - and three hours - our ageing editor. Back, girls, you'll have to join the queue! Email for an appointment) Breeding, though, will take several generations, at the end of which, most of the participants will have forgotten what the object of the exercise was, and some geek who prefers small tits will come along and screw up the whole process. Try magic, then. All you need is a friendly witch or warlock, a long-lost book of spells, a magic ring, a genie of the lamp, a voodoo something-or-other or a gypsy's curse. Even gypsies suffer from the curse periodically. You can't go wrong, as long as you READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. And there's the pseudo-scientific approach. The joy of this is that it Really Works. Men in White Coats appear on television commercials and tell you earnestly that 'tests have shown - Breast Enlargement Really Works!' You'll need a lab, a great deal of time and money, and a beautiful and flat-chested scientist, preferably female... FEELING HYPERACTIVE? Does anyone wish to receive What Are We Going To Call It? as HTML? We're quite happy to put it together in that form for anyone who wants it that way. It's a bigger file - or collection of files, for example, in text form, this months's issue is 12k, as HTML it would be 150k - but it's easier to read, especially for those with a limited attention span. And it's prettier, too. If you would like to receive the HTML version, we'll put your address on a separate list. No stigma will attach to HTML users, in fact, no one need ever know. Ask, in confidence, by email. ATTACHMENT Only one attachment this time, although we hope to add more as time goes on. This one is called 'Bathtime', and it's from Jon Bye for now Al