Diana the Valkyrie

Diana the Valkyrie's Frequently Asked Questions

My password doesn't work

Here's a way to get a reminder of your password.

Are you sure you typed it in correctly? Did you know that JIM isn't the same as Jim or even jim, you have to get the case of letters right. Don't put in any extra spaces in the middle. Ultimately, if you can't make it work, contact me by email, and give me some information so that I can work out who you are (email address, last four numbers on the credit card you used) and I'll look up your password in the database, check that it works, and tell you so. Or fix it.

Where is ... ?

Jump on the Magic Carpet

I can't get on, the network is busy

That's most likely a problem with your service provider, the people you dial into. Take it up with them, or change to a provider with enough capacity.

I get URL Not Found

If you typed the address in wrong, then try again. If you got that by clicking on something, tell me where you were when you clicked, it means something is wrong at my end.

Where's the porn?

There isn't any. This isn't a porn site. If you see anything on my site that you think is, let me know. I might not agree with you, or I might remove it. I haven't scrutinised every picture with a microscope.

Do you hate men?

Whatever gave you that idea? I think men are a delight and the planet would be a dull place without them. And I support men's rights and fight for men's equality.

Can I get on via AOL?

Yes, but you should use version 3 or higher, you should switch off graphics compression or the pictures lose a lot of quality (try it with and without in the galleries), they sometimes have network busy problems and suggest you try later, sound doesn't seem to work and you go via a proxy server which caches my pages which means that changes I make take time to filter through.

So, yes, you can get on via AOL.

Why isn't it free?

I'd like that too, but I have to pay thousands of dollars per year for the telecoms that your calls to the web site consume. Plus, this web site runs on several servers, with a few thousand gigabytes of hard disk. When the computers are free, when the telecoms charges for the T3 lines to my (several) servers are zero, and the telecoms charges for my Megastream line to maintain the server are zero, then the web site can be free. As it is, a lot of it is free now. But those lines have to be paid for by someone, or the telephone company will disconnect you from my web site.

And, of course, I sponsor dozens of women and competitive events each year, so part of your subscription is going to support the women.

Can you give me a step-by-step explanation of how to ...

No, and here's why.

Can I have a picture of you?

No. There's enough nutcases in this world, and some of them have guns. I apply simple common sense, and take obvious precautions. I take a very high profile on this, and my web site might offend some nutter enough for them to hear Voices telling them to Cleanse the World. I don't wish to be their target. Besides, you can't take a photograph of a Valkyrie, it's the silver they use in the film.

Did you do the whole thing yourself?

Sure. I'm a Valkyrie, computers are very obedient towards Valkyries. If a computer starts getting rebellious, I just crush it between my thighs while the others watch and tremble with fear. It works great.

One Valkyrie is all it takes. Or a team of 18 men, but I have something much better for the men to do than bother their gorgeous little brains with all this computer stuff.

How long did it take you to do all that?

I honestly don't know, I didn't fill in time sheets. I would say maybe A few thousand hours altogether, maybe more. No, definitely more. And it takes a fair amount of time every week.

I forgot my password, what do I do?

Try here to get a reminder of your password.

Or send in an email with your name and last six digits of your credit card number. And don't ever trust a computer to remember anything important.

Could you add material on .....

Maybe. If I think it's relevant to the theme. Send me whatever you have, and I'll put it up if I think it's appropriate. That will attract other people with the same interests, and they'll contribute material, and so on and so on. Or, I might have some of that already, but not enough to be worth putting up, and your contribution will make it enough.

How do I send you material?

Go to the upload page, that tells you how. Ftp is best, my uploader next best. Alternatively, email it. Please don't email me big files to my AOL address.

How can I meet a Valkyrie?

There are more Valkyries around that you might have thought. A lot of us hide, and only show ourselves to the right sort of chap. Your best bet is to assume that any female might be a Valkyrie, and treat her accordingly, just in case. One day, one of them might suddenly reveal herself to you. Maybe you'd like to put up a personal ad on my web site - no charge to Members. Or you could join a gym, and socialise a bit.

How old are you?

Old enough to do it, young enough to want to.

What are your measurements?

What is your shoe size? What size underpants do you wear? How big is your hat size? Have I offended you yet?

Are you really in Europe?

Yes, in England. I'm English. That's why I apply UK standards in choosing what to put up and what not to, why I use UK spelling, and why I don't have an American accent. The web servers are in the UK, because that's a good cheap place to site servers. Look at my Cockney Internet

Will you marry me?

This is one of the questions I get asked the most, obviously. Why aren't you on your knees? I'll add you to the list. OK, you're number ... INTEGER OVERFLOW

I'm using AOL, and my authorisation fails without giving me the chance to type it in!.

This is a known problem with some versions of Microsoft Internet Explorer. It's fixed by re-installing the software.

Or, you can put your username and password in as part of the URL. Here's how, using as an example, the publicly available password for non-members to use the Message Boards


So, you can see where you put your username and your password, and then the URL you want to access. Once you've done it for one access, all subsequent accesses should be fine.

How do I cancel?

Use this handy cancellation form. If you can't use that for whatever reason, email me, and identify yourself in the email (the username you use for the web site will do fine, or else something you gave in the application form).

If you need to cancel and you can't use email, then write to me at:

Diana the Valkyrie
PO Box 791
Chalfont St Giles

And I'll sort it out.

When you cancel by email, I'll email you back to confirm it. So, if you don't get that confirmation from me, it could mean I didn't get your cancellation email. Email me again, and keep doing this until you get a confirmation from me. If it happens more than once, then you could be having email problems. For example, some AOL users block their incoming email to stop spam, which means I can't email them either! Or possibly you got my email address wrong, its .

Please don't try to cancel by cancelling your credit card. This doesn't seem to work; the bank doesn't tell me, so I go on billing you. And, via some mechanism I don't understand, the billings go through, even though you cancelled the card. Ask your bank for details, I don't understand it.

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